I Went to Buy a Crib and Found His Other FamilyChapter 1

On the forty-seventh day of my husband's business trip, I go to buy a secondhand crib.

I haven't told Daniel I'm pregnant.

After three pregnancies that ended before we could bring a baby home, I want to wait until I have something more than a positive test to show him.

This morning, I saw a heartbeat.

The ultrasound picture is in my purse, folded inside the paperwork from my appointment.

The seller asks to meet in the parking lot behind the hospital. I get there early.

Ten minutes later, a black Mercedes SUV turns in.

I recognize the dent above the rear wheel first.

I step behind a parked delivery van before the driver's door opens.

Daniel gets out.

He's supposed to be overseas. Different time zone. Long meetings. A confidential project he can barely discuss.

Last night, he told me he missed sleeping beside me.

Now he walks around to the back of his car and opens the hatch.

The passenger door opens, too.

A woman steps out with a baby against her hip.

"Are you sure we should sell it?"

Daniel lifts the crib mattress from the trunk.

"He's got the new one."

"What about the next baby?"

He smiles at her.

The woman is standing only a few parking spaces away from me.

I can see the baby's fingers curled around her necklace.

"We'll buy another," Daniel says. "And a bigger place. Somewhere with good schools."

She leans into him.

"You promise?"

"When have I ever let you down?"

I take out my phone.

For the first few seconds, I can't hold it steady.

On the screen, Daniel sets the mattress down and kisses the baby's forehead.

The woman smiles up at him.

He looks so comfortable.

As though this is an ordinary errand.

As though he has done this a hundred times.

My phone vibrates in my hand.

A message from the seller.

We're here. Where are you?

Daniel is looking down at his phone.

I stop recording.

Something came up. I'm sorry. I can't buy it.

He frowns at the screen.

"What?" the woman asks.

"Buyer canceled."

"Then let's keep it."

He taps at his phone, then puts it away without sending me a reply.

"Fine."

She bounces the baby gently.

"You're not going over there tonight, are you?"

Daniel looks at her.

"Vanessa."

"I'm just asking."

"I told you. She doesn't even know I'm back."

Vanessa kisses his cheek.

Then she puts the baby in the car seat behind the passenger seat while Daniel slides the mattress back into the trunk.

I stay behind the van until they leave.

I don't cry until I hear my own phone play the first words of Daniel's new voice message.

"Hey, baby. Just got out of a seven-hour meeting."

I stare at the empty parking space.

"I'm exhausted. I'd kill for something you cooked. I miss you."

Behind his voice, I can hear a turn signal.

I listen to the message again.

Then I type:

Get some rest.

The ultrasound picture is still in my bag.

I don't take it out.

Daniel comes home just before midnight.

He drops his suitcase by the door and pulls me into his arms.

"Surprise."

His coat smells of cold air and a perfume I don't wear.

I keep my hands at my sides.

"Your project's finished?"

"Earlier than we expected."

He kisses the top of my head.

"I came straight home. Twenty hours of airports. I'm dead."

I look at the suitcase.

It's the same one he left with.

There's no new airline tag on the handle.

"Let me see you," he says.

He holds me at arm's length.

"You look tired."

"So do you."

"I brought you something."

He reaches into a shopping bag and takes out a purse.

It's from a brand I used to stop and look at when we went shopping together.

For one second, I remember how happy this would have made me yesterday.

Then I see the scratches on the clasp.

One corner is worn.

I open the zipper.

There's a short strand of pale hair caught in the lining.

My hair is dark.

"Did you buy this at the airport?"

"Duty-free."

"It looks used."

His smile pauses.

Then he takes it from me and rubs the clasp with his thumb.

"Probably got knocked around in the bag."

"The leather, too?"

"I was in a rush, Nat. I didn't inspect every inch."

I let go of the purse.

"Do you have the receipt?"

"Must have thrown it out."

He puts the bag on the counter and wraps his arms around me from behind.

"I'll make it up to you. Dinner tomorrow. That seafood place you love."

I look at his hands resting against my stomach.

Daniel loves that restaurant.

I'm allergic to shellfish.

There are things I can order there, but for the first two years of our marriage, he wouldn't even suggest it.

He used to check sauces with the server.

Once, he sent back his own meal because he was worried about kissing me afterward.

Now he's waiting for me to thank him.

"Okay," I say.

He kisses my neck and goes upstairs.

I wait until I hear the shower.

Then I call Rachel.

She answers on the fourth ring, her voice thick with sleep.

"Natalie?"

"I need to talk to you about a divorce."